anxiety Life Stress

Toxic Relationships

swimming against the tide

“Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.”

— Greg Behrendt

Are you in a toxic relationship?

Keeping a relationship good and healthy is hard work. As you get older, your life experiences may change the way you see things and drift you apart. You may find that you have different opinions that you feel unable to share with your partner. Still that need not be an issue when you can respect each others views. Everything is fine as long as you have enough interests and have enough passions to share with each other and mutual respect.

Once the infatuation period wears off, you start to see the real person that you love, with clearer vision. The expression “Love makes blind” was not just simply made up. When you’re in love everything is lovely dovely and your partner can’t do anything wrong. If you do find some things irritating, you brush it off and forgive quickly. Nobody is perfect right?

But what do you do when, after a while, you realize that the behaviour is structural and making you very unhappy? Worse, it’s undermining your self worth. When other people ask you about it, you hear yourself making excuses for your partner. Yes, but … You are starting to blame yourself for the situation you are in. Maybe you would even go so far as telling yourself that you deserve it. You should have been a better partner or you are not doing enough to make him or her happy.

The difference between healthy and unhealthy love – Katie Hood

Stop blaming yourself!

Of course it can be a good idea to maybe try couples therapy but once you realize the relationship is over, accept the fact and move on. Sure, easier said then done. Maybe people take years before bringing up the courage to stop their relationship. And more often then not, I hear people say they stay in it because they don’t want to hurt the other person. Or they still believe their partner will or can change.

A good and healthy relationship takes two people to make it work

A relationship is not without giving and taking. As long as there is a right balance. When you realize you are constantly giving but not receiving (enough), it’s high time you start thinking about yourself.

You see, it is not selfish to choose for you. We were born alone and we die alone. If you don’t start choosing for yourself, eventually you will start suffering from depression, or physical illnesses. You think less and less of yourself. Blaming yourself.

How to break free from a toxic relationship?

Make the decision, stick to the decision. Stop making excuses for the behavior of your partner and focus on your own needs. Create emotional distance between the two of you. Confide in someone close to you that you can trust. Ask for help. If you are afraid to confront your partner, pick a moment where there is time for you to pack your things and leave without giving your partner the chance to change your mind. Think of all the positive things that will happen once you have taken that step and focus on the future.

It’s hard! But you can do it. You need to do it. For your own mental and physical health. You deserve a happy life. It won’t be easy in the beginning but you are worth it. And remember that feeling guilty is not the same as being guilty. You are important.

Need emotional support?

Maybe you have taken that step, maybe you are just thinking about it. If you need to talk, send me a text or email and let me know if and/or how you would like me to contact you.