Loss and grief

Losses that can cause grief

Observe and reflect, and become a little wiser every day.

What situations can cause grief?

You can mourn a lot of situations and events and not only loss through death.

Not everyone realizes that you can also mourn other events that have an impact on your life. How heavy the grief is, is different per person and situation, but by no means a competition of heaviness! We all deal with it differently. Not everyone is equally sensitive to stress. It is also about whether you have sufficient carrying capacity.

What events could you mourn?

  1. The death of a partner, parent(s), child
  2. Stillbirth, miscarriage
  3. Loss of a parent or child due to, for example, an argument, different view of life
  4. The loss of a friend, living (due to quarrel) or deceased
  5. The loss of a pet, living (due to divorce, relocation) or deceased
  6. Divorce, this often affects not only the partner but the whole family and family around it
  7. Living loss, due to illness, personal injury, difficult diagnosis for your partner or child
  8. Social isolation
  9. Losing your dreams, loss of goals not achieved, not being able to be you
  10. Loss of work, home

The list is not complete but gives a good example of grief situations.

I want to highlight a few of them.

When you no longer see your parents or child(ren) due to a fight

It happens more often than you realise. That there is disagreement within a family and you no longer see each other. Unfortunately todays situation with Corona causes a lot of division between family and friends.

Regardless of whether this is justified or not, it brings a lot of sadness and therefore grief. For both parties. Because anger also comes from somewhere. Anger is another form of grief and deserves insight.

In some situations it is healthy to choose for yourself and distance yourself, but how do you deal with that? Or would you like to but you don’t dare to take that step?

What does living loss mean

A few examples of living loss:

  • someone in the family gets Alzheimer’s and you slowly lose connection due to memory loss
  • someone is left with permanent injuries after a serious accident and has to adjust to another lifestyle
  • your child has received a difficult diagnosis (your child is not the diagnosis (!), he / she has (suffer from) …)
  • you are or become (chronically) ill and cannot do everything (anymore) that others can
  • you (think you) can’t be yourself

Losing your dreams

You knew for sure! This is want I want to do when I grow up. But your parents had other plans for you. Let you follow in their footsteps. Or a better paying job with more security. You follow your parents and years later you find out that you are deeply unhappy because you did not follow your heart.

You wanted a big family with lots of children. But time and time again you are disappointed. Again, not pregnant. Maybe you have tried a different trajectory and you were not successful with that either. The desire to have children is unfulfilled. When you, as partners also deal with it differently, it can cause an even greater loss.

You have built up a great business, but due to circumstances outside of your control, you suddenly lose everything. A dream that came true is now completely shattered.

Talk about your feelings of grief

Also read Are you living your true life?

Talk, talk, talk. It really clears the air. And often it brings you a lot of insight while talking. If you notice that your environment can no longer bring the attention to listen to you, you can call in the help of a grief counselor.

Taboo on asking for help

There is still a bit of a taboo in the Netherlands to ask for help. But it takes courage and means taking good care of yourself. Just as you might eat healthy, exercise, live a healthy lifestyle. Repressed grief can lead to illness. Asking for help is not something to be ashamed about but is common sense and means you don’t give up! Kudos to you.

© Charlie Mackesy

Would you like to talk about your grief? Please contact me to see how I can help you.